So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
