Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
