I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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