She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
