Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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