I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
