Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We just shotgunned beers for America
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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