Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
