I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
