i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
