im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
