Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
