I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
