As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
