Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I love you.
Bad choice
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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