Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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