I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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