she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I could fuck to npr.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
