I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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