im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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