I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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