So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
