My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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