Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
