did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
