She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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