Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
