i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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