Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
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dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
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Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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