i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Farmville is her only friend.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
