Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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