is wine microwaveable?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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