Who did Billy Mays play for?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
