420 ftw
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I fill condoms, not promises.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
