When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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