im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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