We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
