Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
