Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
