no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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