May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she peed on how many people?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
