I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
