My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
