Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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