you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
