He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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