I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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