weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
