The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
