he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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