You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
