new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize