if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
