You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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