I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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