just come out here and I will go home with you...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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