I look better un-naked...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
