time to smoke my breakfast
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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