just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
