I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
