I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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