If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
