please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
