The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
