are you so shy because you have an std?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
