So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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