I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
