Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
