i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
