Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
